Recently I was in ICU and was told that my chances of making it were slim to none. I was in such pain that I actually begged god to take me so I could stop the pain.

All of a sudden a man with a blue aura appeared to me saying he had been the guardian angel for my family for generations. He told me he had loved me since the day I was born. He then informed me that I had the strength to get through this and he would be with me every minute to assure I would not give up.

Just as he promised he let me know I was not alone and if I could hold on just a little while longer I would be fine.

Well I made it and am on the mend, physically, at least. However I feel as if I am alone once again. I really need to know that everything I witnessed was not due to medications or something I convinced myself was real just to feel someone really cared and was watching out for me.

Is there a way to contact him one more time? If nothing more than to thank him and tell him how much I love him.

I need to know that I am not crazy, and somehow fill this empty space that seems to have been created since this life and death experience.

Here is an excerpt from The Journey to YOU

EGO VS ESSENCE:

I have known people who constantly strove for perfection. That goal insured disconnected relationships with the very people the perfectionist was attempting to impress. The need to be perfect is like an incubator for stress and therefore creates illness. The need for perfection is Ego based and comes with a daily session of self punishment as the desired result is never achieved. The Ego thrives on this failure as when we are in pain the Ego is more alive.

Excellence on the other hand comes with enough humility to know that even our best will never be perfect. As pure essence, we know and love that about ourselves. Being mindful in our endeavor to recognize who is steering the ship, Ego or Essence, opens up choices for us. The more we choose Essence, the easier and more automatic it becomes to just BE our authentic selves.

FEELINGS VS COMMITMENT:

Feelings, hmmm, what are they good for? We have all had feelings that have somehow sabotaged our lives. We felt lazy, nervous, anxious, fearful, attracted to someone other than our spouse, angry with our children, revengeful, confused, weak to our addictions, etc. If we follow our feelings we will cheat on our spouse, hurt our children and short change our businesses. What are feelings good for? Expressing our feelings can dissipate 50% of the energy on them and create intimacy in our close relationships. Feelings of dissatisfaction can motivate us to be, do or have something new in our lives. Our unwillingness to “feel” our feelings has them run us and control our actions. The more you resist your feelings the more they persist. The less you express and experience them the more those feelings direct your actions and therefore your results.

At the age of 4 my daughter Mackenzie came running out of her bedroom after being tucked into bed…she was yelling, “Mommy, I just heard a sparkling vwooosh and a big feather wing brushed my face”! The next morning she awoke telling me it was her angel.

Over the next few years she would tell me all of the messages the angels would tell her. She spoke of seeing angels of people and animals and why they were coming to her.

Of all of the stories, the one that has stayed with me is a message from an angel. The angel told her that we are all here on earth for a reason. We have a purpose. We can not grow in heaven. That is why some people suffer, it is their job to endure that and find strength within themselves. She went on to tell me that is why some people lose their babies or have cancer.

The most fascinating explanation for me has changed the way I look at passing on(dying). She said no one ever dies, we just pass on to heaven. When those on earth stop grieving for us while we are in heaven, we are allowed to move on to new bodies and start all over again. That is where old souls come from.

Mackenzie is 12 now and occasionally hears a whisper, but since she is so busy learning she is taking a break from her angel connections until her late teen years. That is what she told me.

The words of my child completely changed my spiritual and religious beliefs.

Some men search for it all their lives.
Some look a long time, some look a short time.
Some choose not to look for it at all and thus lose hope and faith in life.
All of us want it, yet some will not take the chance to find it.
For them, the risk means pain and that is a price they will not pay.
It finds all that take the chance to look for it.
Once found, a wise man pays the price to keep it.
For the true kind is the best and the one worth all the risk.
Once found, it will bring pure joy, add hope, chase away all doubts and fears, and bring light to the dark.
And it does not ask for a thing.
The warmth it gives can be spread – a gift to all that will take it, and share it.
It can bond all men as one, if they let it.
It has the strength to end all wars, stop plagues and droughts.
What a shame that all the world does not know it, for it will share with young and old, rich and poor, black and white.
The risk is so small, and the gain is so great.
Yet some are still blind to its ways.
What a day it will be – When the whole world finds love.

Teri Leigh Teed

As we travel, a group of us, I look to my left and can only see the faces of my fellow care givers being dimly lit by the distant star light. Ahead of us a small planet on the physical level comes into our view, becoming larger by the second. We slow our approach and focus on an area where we have been called upon from. Gently gliding down through clouds that are brightened by a suns light reflecting off a nearby moon as I take another look to my friends who have their wings outstretched, barely room for a cherub to pass between. Coming to a stop above a solid ground of a mountain top I notice the workers moving to the side to greet us and give us room at the same time, little ones are always so happy to see us as we are happy to see them.

I focus my attention to the matter at hand, and so do my fellow care givers, to the city below. Such noise and discomfort has accumulated yet the peoples sleep as it is their time of rest. The workers have become silent and stationary as they watch the light descend from above us, as large as the area we have come to, along with golden flakes floating about in the air. A beautiful day approaches, we whisper to the peoples floating in the light before they awaken, and complete our giving for this visit. We bow and say good bye to the workers while the energy of love that surrounds the city begins to pull us back to where we had originally taken the call. Yes indeed, I reply to a giver who comments on our mission of giving well.

I write with sadness of heart and the ink of my tears
of the unjust greed which has corrupted fellow beings
into the ways of unkind treatment towards others
who’s only wish is to be happy in the life they have been given

To witness and to cry out within has made it difficult not to respond
I only feel that joy can be again part of the human soul incarnate
when his fellow being lives like others are his brother or sister
to share or forgive in order that once again we all have light
and again all live in peace as its reward

Shimmery and green misty leaves and grasses awakening to the golden rays touching some, lighting others.

Black birds flitting, chirping.

People glancing at their clocks while listening to the news of the morning, racing to their daily tasks.

Time passing, world spinning
golden rays touching some, lighting others.

Deep in the woods, light shaded
hearing, knowing, longing to see all that is filled with what cannot be said
the sum of all parts that fit together
twilight to bright forest and the clouds and the moon. Formless