Loves Demise

Within ones own self rests the hidden adversities of love and hate, the two unpredictable emotions that control the very soul of a being. And with these adverse feelings comes the longing and need to feel loved by someone close, a caring and understanding shared between two persons with the undeniable aspect of receiving as well as giving to one another.

This is found to be the one pleasure that humanity has tasked itself with accomplishing, the one priority an individual places above the rest. I am no different in this idea of an essential need to be happy.

Yet now, as I sit alone in smothering darkness, a blanket of black that not only hinders my site while streams of sparkling salt caresses my cheeks, it too has shadowed my heart and soul, the happiness that was sought out replaced by despair and lost hope.

As I rest alone in my own tears once again, my mind takes heed of my beating organs dismay, and brings itself thoughts of times long past, the ‘precious moments’ that remain in constant cycles of the love once held. Images of candlelight and soft music hewing the silent air as she rests gently within warm water, my hands gently feeling the softness of her skin as I bathe her, my mind flowing vibrantly with the joys of love, and the moments of closeness that we once shared, letting our colliding souls rest within each others hearts. And the times of a single red rose, a color matching her lips, bringing a smile upon her face and the twinkle that had set itself within her eyes as her love flowed openly through the air.

This and much more I let my mind wonder through, depicting and reliving all those moments my soul was at rest. But all that was gong now, an unknowing presence of confusion and longing returning as things rapidly changed for the worst. I can no longer help but sit alone and cry as a child would, my tears flooding my eyes as I see the blindness and unfeeling ways that were set upon me. And each day I long for the past more, myself slipping into dreams as I rest with the pleasurable moments she had given to me long ago.

What happened to this woman I had fallen hopelessly for, where in time had things so dramatically changed that I no longer see or feel the way I used to? Have I rescinded into that void of self-indication, hiding the true feelings that swirl within my heart? I believe so, scared of the advantage she may take upon me again, a fear of the pain that could lie ahead. All I know now is that this woman had left replaced by the same, yet different.

Even with that understanding I’m left in utter confusion. I had come across two poems that she had written, stories of the love and joy I had brought to her, and the feelings that she in return gave to me. These words as my eyes scanned them over, twisted my heart into an unbearable torture of knowing the love she once held for me, and the pain it brought knowing that I no longer saw these things from her. This hurt deeper than one could imagine. Knots became of my stomach, tears swelling in my eyes after each word bit into my dying soul. Those words, I long for, that joy of those times that had brought me so much happiness. But I fear and know all that is at a loss now, seeing no hope in my mind for retribution of futures exchanged.

I know that forever will the ‘precious moments’ hold dear to my heart, as the love that was so pure remains constant. With this I hope greatness and happiness, a time that our two souls can rest with pleasures of each others company, yet I see nothing, and wish everything.
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